terça-feira, maio 13, 2008

Chuck Norris


- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

- Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

- The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

- Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

- If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

- Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle: you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

- Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

- If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

- There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

- Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

- James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

- The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.

- The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

- According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

- Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move

- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

- Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.

- Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.


3 comentários:

T disse...

O CHUCK É O MAIOR!

Téréré! disse...

O CHUCK É O MAIOR!

An@ disse...

nao fosse essa uma conversa ao jantar daquela noite impecavel entre maltas fixes :)